BOOM! You announce you are pregnant and immediately you get sucked into a vortex of everyone wanting you to quit your job or being “concerned” about how it all will work with a baby and a career.  A female executive isn’t an unusual concept in 2019 so I honestly was surprised by the constant questions and comments regarding my career and being a mom. It’s crazy how a baby makes many people think that you need to quit your job and teleport back to the 1950s.

I have a PSA for everyone.  Are you ready for it? YOU CAN BE A WORKING MOM WHO IS GREAT AT YOUR JOB AND STILL KILL IT AT BEING A MOM! I know, crazy right?

For years, my career has been my identity and I have busted my a$$ getting to where I am.  How would me becoming a mom change my outlook on my goals and achievements? People have always known me as the go-getter, overachiever who was nicknamed by my former boss as the “Pitbull with lipstick.” This is who I am.

If you read my blog called “What I Learned My First Year Being a Mom,” you would know that I try to smile and assume that this feedback comes from a good place. I often fantasize about the funny remarks I want to say back just to catch these people off guard.  I am honestly too nice and respectful to be mean, but I thought it would be fun to share my unfiltered reaction vs. what I actually say in response to these silly statements.

1.  Are you going to keep working?

UNFILTERED:

UMMM, YAH! Unless my bills just magically disappeared, or a money tree just sprouted in my backyard that I was unaware of.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

Yes, it takes both of our incomes to maintain our household. Plus, I find fulfillment in my work.

 

2.  How do you feel about your baby being raised by someone else?

UNFILTERED:

Last time I checked; Hayden is asleep about 4 hours a day while I am at work. I didn’t realize that 25 total hours of her being awake would shape every aspect of her.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

I am very blessed to have Hayden’s grandparents watch her while I am at work. They are great influences and I love the bond she has with them.

3.  Are you going to work from home?

UNFILTERED:

Have you ever taken care of a baby? Do you actually think I would want to try to take care of a baby and do my job at the exact time? Yah no, my head would explode.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

No, even if it was an option, I would prefer not to because when I am with Hayden, I like my focus to be 100% on her.

4.  Are you going to work part-time?

UNFILTERED:

You are aware I don’t work at Starbucks right. My role doesn’t have a part-time executive option.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

No, I don’t really think that is conducive to my role within my organization.

5.  Don’t you miss your baby when you’re at work?

UNFILTERED:

Are you really asking me this? What do you think the answer is?

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

Of course, but I try to really focus on work and the tasks at hand so I can stay preoccupied and get the job done efficiently and effectively.

6.  Aren’t you concerned about not being there for you baby? What if you miss something?

UNFILTERED:

Working doesn’t make me a bad mom. I do my best to be present and juggle it all. I might miss a few things, but I am always there for the important stuff. It’s unrealistic to think it’s possible to be present for everything regardless if you work or you don’t.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

Hayden is going to have a lot of firsts in her life. When I see her do something for the first time (even if she has done it before but not in front of me), it is still a first for me, so I plan on still celebrating it because I am proud of her.

7.  I didn’t expect you to be so motherly. 

UNFILTERED:

Wow! That was offensive! What did you expect? And what possibly made you think that I wouldn’t be. Do you actually think because I work and am a boss that I can’t be a good mom?  My band width is bigger than that.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

I really try to be the best mother I can be to Hayden.

8.  I am surprised you went back to work. I thought your husband was successful.

UNFILTERED:

How does my choice to work define his success?  I chose to work because I am successful.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

I like working and it sets a wonderful example to my daughter that both of her parents are successful contributors.

9.  I don’t know how you do it. I would feel too guilty. Isn’t it hard? 

UNFILTERED:

Guilty for what? Having my own life and identity? No, I don’t feel guilty. Quite the contrary, it’s liberating to know I can juggle it all.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

I am spinning a lot of plates, but I love it. I thrive in organized chaos and I don’t feel guilty because I got this!

10. Good for you for putting your career first. 

UNFILTERED:

Let me make something clear, my daughter is my number one priority.  Yes, I work, and I love it, but I did not and would never pick my career over my baby.

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:

My daughter and my career are important, but Hayden will always be my top priority.

Although these bias questions can be frustrating and I joke about the sassy comments I could say, I know that the questions are brought up because people want to see me succeed as a mom.  There is a lot that goes into wearing all the hats that I wear and it’s hard for others to understand how it could all be possible.  But it is possible!  YOU CAN BE A WORKING MOM WHO IS GREAT AT YOUR JOB AND STILL KILL IT AT BEING A MOM! Additionally, I want my daughter to see that you can be a bad a$$ female boss. I want to set an example for her so she can see what is possible with drive, determination and hard work.  Every day might not be perfect and yes, the balancing act can be tough, but it is so worth it!